4.Kassir walked alone. A week had passed since his parting with his father. At times he wondered about Rashed’s life. Did he have peace now that he had finally broken down and told Kassir everything? Had he told Malna as well?
Most of the time, though, he did not think at all. He only walked. He forced himself not to remember the past or plan for the future. He left only one thought in his mind – he had to keep going until he was out of the desert. There was no point in planning for what might happen after.
He was now in a place unfamiliar to him. He had never been this far North before. There were many villages in those parts. It was closer to the edge of the desert and the sun was less powerful. The nights were less cold. But it still rained only once a year, if at all, and the people were still under the rule of the Sun Gods and Rain Goddesses.
At times, he stopped at those villages, whenever he needed to replenish his provisions. The settlers received him gladly, without asking too many questions. They took him for a trader. Here, as they were drawing closer to the World Without, there were many such traders ready to depart to the dangerous unknown, in the hopes of making their fortune. Some even asked Kassir to accompany them. They would have more chances of success like that, and they could return together. But he always declined, saying his caravan already waited for him beyond the desert.
One evening, as Kassir sat huddled in a hollow in the sandy hills, he pondered the matter of his name. He was about two weeks’ away from the borders of the desert. He would not be allowed to remain Kassir once he passed them. Who then would he be? What kind of new name could he give to himself? What would he be called from then on?
That night strange dreams plagued him. They were not about the City of White Marble, though he now saw it frequently in his sleep. Instead, he was brought back to a day he had long forgotten, even though he could never deny its importance. It was the day he received clear proof he was not like everyone else, that his road was different from the others’ – and only now he could tell how much. He saw himself as a young boy in Red-stones village. He remembered how he and his friends had run to warn the settlement of a red eagle attack. He had not known then the others did not see the red eagle – and he could not have known how that incident would lead to his isolation and the envy of his friends.
But that was not what Kassir remembered most of all. Instead, he recalled the image of the red eagle as he flew above the hills, remote and majestic. A strange sense of kinship with the bird of prey filled him. It was more than the feeling that drew animals to Light-tenders. It was a quaint notion, but in the dream, he felt the red-eagle was a part of his soul.
His eyes snapped open. The first tendrils of dawn were showing themselves on the horizon. He turned his gaze northward. He suddenly knew the name he had to use when he left the desert, the only name that would matter.
“Eagle,” he said slowly, as if testing the word. “My name is Eagle.”
Part 9 The World Without
1.The new day dawned bright and swift. The coldness of the desert night would be quickly turned into scorching heat. Kassir stood high on a hill – not a sand dune but a rocky hill, barely covered by sand. He was looking down into the valley. When he finally gathered his courage and climbed down, he would be leaving the desert and the domain of the Sun Gods and Rain Goddesses. He would enter the World Without.
There was no line and no signpost to show where the desert ended and the World Without began. To Kassir, the land looked the same everywhere, barren and rocky. But the border existed. He knew that, hidden in the hills, two of the best Light-tenders stood guard. They marked who left and who wanted to enter. No one could cross the invisible barrier without their approval. And now they would stand silent witnesses as Kassir took his first steps into exile.
Kassir – or Eagle, as he now called himself – took a deep breath bracing himself. He had to go. He had already lingered longer than intended. His Grace Period was at an end. He knew quite well that if he was still within the desert borders when it was over, the two Light-tenders would not hesitate to shoot him down. With a sigh, he steeled himself for the final stage of his journey. He started on his way down the hill.
For a moment, he was tempted to look back. He wanted a last glance at his homeland, a memory to carry with him on the strange, unfriendly roads that lay before him. But he had left many times, and not once had he looked back towards the people and places he was walking away from.
Eagle expected something to change. He thought the air would be different, the sky would lose its colours, and the sounds all around him would become muffled after he crossed the border. In the cold nights, as he stood thinking of what lay ahead, he was sure he would stop being a Light-tender once he was in the World Without. After all, his senses were a gift from the Desert Gods. Their purpose was to serve the Gods. How could they still work in a land abandoned by them?
The Sun Gods and Rain Goddesses might have abandoned the land, but they had not changed it. Nor did they take away Eagle’s gifts. His eyes could see far into the horizon, making out the shapes of unfamiliar trees in the distance. The sight filled the desert dweller with delight. There were few trees deep in the desert and seeing one was always considered a good omen. His hearing was just as sharp as before, too. There were not a lot of noises in the barren land, only the wind humming softly in the hills and the occasional cry of some lonely bird. He thought it was an empty place, but after the years travelling in the service of the Gods, he was used to emptiness.
After realising that the world was the same as ever, he was starting to feel more confident. He was out of the desert, but still alive and, in many ways, still the same person. He would survive.
Things would change soon, though. The sun would grow less bright as he advanced further north. The hills would give way to grass plains and mountains. There would be villages and large cities and fortresses. And, somewhere in that great unknown, the City of White Marble was waiting. The idea thrilled and frightened him at the same time. He could go to the City of White Marble and there would be no repercussions from the Sun Priests. Adar and his cohorts no longer cared about Kassir. As long as he did not return to the desert, he was free to do as he pleased. He was free to go anywhere.
The thought was so exhilarating that it stopped him in his tracks. He raised his head sniffing the morning breeze, letting the sun warm his face. He did feel like an eagle then, with the whole world ahead of him and nothing to be afraid of anymore. If the City of White Marble had been within walking distance, he would have made straight for it.
He resumed his walking, a new spring in his step. He did not know how his life would be from then on or where he was supposed to go. But he did know that the choice was his. It was his to choose where to walk and where to settle. His to choose if he should keep using his gifts and how. The Sun Gods and Rain Goddesses might have abandoned him. The Priests might have branded him as an exile. But at least he was free. And none of his compatriots back in the desert could claim the same.
The day grew and Eagle walked on, crossing unfamiliar paths. He felt he was walking towards a new beginning.
2.His mood was upbeat at first. It faded quickly, though. In a few days, he became subdued and frightened. It did not matter that he could now go wherever he pleased. Not when the cold and harsh reality was that he had nowhere to go.
The truth was, his work for the Priests, even though it proved to be against his principles, had given him a purpose. Something clear to do. And he realised abruptly that he needed a clearly defined aim to stay alive. Walking for days on end with no rhyme or reason was not enough. It was survival in its most basic, animal form and he hated it. He was beginning to fear that the lack of purpose would kill him sooner than any of the other dangers of the World Without.
For two weeks, he walked on with only his black mood for company. Gradually, the sand and barren rocks gave way to rolling hills covered in soft green grass. He knew these were the Milder Lands that lay on the border of the desert. There were few fixed settlements here – only some small, barely noticeable villages. But there were trading posts set up by people from all over the World Without who wanted to do business with those from the desert. So far, he had seen the trading points only from a distance. They looked like small wooden huts. He did not know what they looked like on the inside. Whenever he saw one, he changed direction and tried to avoid it.
Eagle was used to being alone for weeks on end. His three years as Light-tender had taught him to go even months without exchanging words with one of his kind. He had lost the need to be among his fellow men – at times, he was nervous in their presence. And now the idea of making contact with other people was much more frightening. Although he had long made up his mind that most of what the Priests said and did was not right, he did not know what to make of the people from the World Without. Those from the desert firmly believed they were demons or, at least, in the clutches of dark forces. The belief had been ingrained in Kassir before he was aware of himself. The fear to approach those from the World Without was instinctual more than anything else.
But whatever his instincts told him, Eagle knew he could not put off meeting people forever. For one thing, at one point he would lose himself if he remained completely alone. It might take time, but it would happen. There would come a time when he would yearn for another human voice, be it even the voice of one from the World Without. And the World Without was not the desert. The trading posts might have been few and far between now, but soon enough they would give way to villages and cities. One could not avoid people completely there. In the end, he made up his mind. He would stop at the next trading post. His supplies were running low, anyway.
Before leaving the desert, he had picked up a few Crimson Stones. He knew the dust that came from those stones was valued in the World Without. People paid good money for them. He had ten. It would keep him well-fed for a long time.
Two days passed before he saw another trading post. This one was bigger than the previous ones, a sure sign they were getting further from the desert and closer to more civilized lands. Eagle gulped. He regretted not stopping before at the smaller huts. There would be more people in the bigger places. Chances were, he would meet some of his own countrymen. The thought frightened him, maybe even more than the idea of interacting with the men from the World Without. There was nothing for it, though. He had to get there.
As he got nearer, he noticed the building was not that well-maintained. The walls had holes clumsily patched with straw in several places. One of the windows was cracked. The supporting beams looked shaky. A strong wind could bring the entire construction down. From inside, he could hear a man singing. His voice was deep and slightly hoarse. He could not make out the words – if indeed there were any words to make out. But the slow repetitive tune reminded him of the empty wilderness and vast loneliness of the grasslands. The man had to be alone. No one would sing like that, baring their souls, with someone there to hear them.
Eagle knocked on the wooden door. He was not at all surprised to find his heart speeding up. The singing ceased. There were muffled sounds coming from inside, betraying an uncontrolled nervousness. With a jolt, he realised the person inside was just as anxious about receiving a visitor. Even though the purpose of someone living at a trading post was to deal with merchants from the desert, days could pass without anyone coming. The arrival of a customer would be regarded as a blessing and a curse at the same time.
The door was opened. Eagle found himself face to face with a dark-skinned, middle-aged man. He had been expecting someone as travel-beaten as Tar. This man, however, did not look used to endless roads and harsh conditions. In fact, he was lavishly dressed in silk clothes of bright colours such as the desert dwellers would never wear. The young Light-tender could not help gaping at this bizarre apparition. The man did not seem to mind. After all, he was doing quite a lot of gaping himself. In the end, the trader was the first to recover. He stepped aside to allow Eagle to walk in.
“Welcome, stranger,” he greeted in a melodic voice. “I am Tak. You are here to trade, right?”
Eagle hesitated.
“In a manner of speaking.”
Tak raised his eyebrows at his vague answer.
“Oh? And what is your name, I may ask?”
Eagle nearly told his real name. He stopped at the last minute, painfully reminding himself he no longer had any rights to be Kassir. The name did not belong to him and never would again.
“I… I am Eagle,” he said at length.
It felt different from the time he had proclaimed his new identity to the empty skies. This was no longer something only he knew. Everyone he met would be aware of him only by that name. He would truly cease to be anyone else then. The merchant’s eyes narrowed.
“That is an unusual name to call a person,” he commented. “It does not sound like what a mother would call her son.” He paused, looking shrewdly at the Light-tender. “And perhaps she did not call you that. Perhaps it is a name you gave yourself. I am somewhat familiar with your people’s customs. You are in exile, are you not?”
Tak’s eyes were brimming with sympathy. Eagle looked away, suddenly hating the merchant. He had no business showing pity. He might have known about the customs of the desert, but he could not understand them.
The trader was waiting patiently for an answer. Eagle nodded curtly. He saw no reason to deny what was already known.
“I am sorry,” Tak said softly. “It must be hard for you. I will try to help you however I can. I have food here, plenty to spare.”
Eagle stiffened.
“I do not wish for charity,” he said coolly. “I have come here to trade. I have with what.”
With resolute steps, he made for the small table and placed his collection of Crimson Stones. Tak’s eyes looked about to pop out of his head.
“You cannot trade with all of these,” he protested aghast. “I could hardly afford them. All these stones will make you a fortune.”
Eagle shook his head wearily.
“I do not need a fortune. I only need food.”
“Well, all these stones are enough to keep sated a small kingdom. Even one of them would deplete my provisions almost entirely.”
“Well, then take one,” said Eagle, putting the rest of the stones back in his pocket and leaving only one on the table. “But you do not have to deplete your provisions. Just give me enough to last me for a few weeks, if rationed. No one needs to know you paid me less than the stone was worth.”
Tak drew back as if struck. He shook his head, not bothering to hide how disgusted he felt.
“I do not know how you do things in your desert,” he snapped. “It does not sound like a fair place, seeing as you were sent away and do not even have a claim to your own name anymore. But where I come from it is a great offence to charge a trader less than his goods are worth. I will be forever shunned if I do this. And it is not that no one will find out. My honour would not stand it.” He paused, looking thoughtfully at Eagle. “Let us try it like this,” he went on. “You give me one stone and I will give you enough food to last you a month – and something more besides.”
Eagle eyed Tak with growing suspicion.
“What else can you give me?”
Tak went to the back of the room. He returned carrying a sword which he offered to the Light-tender. Eagle took it to have a better look. It was an old sword, but still serviceable.
“It is a good sword,” Tak assured Eagle. “And the World Without, as you call it, has dangers of its own. You will need something with which to defend yourself. I will give you that and food in exchange for one of your stones. Then it will be a fair deal.”
Eagle looked at the sword again. He was not used to such weapons. Few in the desert had them. Only the caravan guards used them sometimes. Eagle was more comfortable with a bow and arrow, or with a dagger. Still, he supposed a sword could come in handy. If all else failed, he could at least have something to sell. He nodded to Tak who grinned, extremely pleased, as if Eagle just granted him the greatest favour in the world.
“I will go prepare your food, then,” he said.
He made for the darkest corner of the hut. Eagle could see him moving around there, preparing the food. He tried not to look too openly. It would not do for Tak to find out he could see better than most men. He did not know what those from the World Without thought of Light-tenders – if they were aware of their existence at all – but he was a little afraid to find out. After a while, Tak came back and handed a package to Eagle. He looked at the young man thoughtfully.
“Where will you be heading now?”
The question took Eagle aback. He had no destination in mind. How could he? He only kept on going northwards, since it took him away from the desert. Of course, that only brought him deeper inside the World Without.
“I do not know,” he admitted in the end.
He was slightly annoyed to notice the spark of sympathy was back in Tak’s eyes.
“Perhaps I can help you with that, too,” he offered. “You could come home with me.”
Eagle gaped at the merchant. He could feel mistrust creeping over him. He did not know what Tak was offering. But he was certain there was more to his request that mere worry and pity for a troubled stranger.
“I do not think this is a good idea. Your people might not accept it. I am an outsider, after all.”
Tak chuckled, amused.
“I see there are things you do not know. I am from the Merchants’ Citadel and the word outsider does not exist for us.”
Eagle was curious and intrigued in spite of himself. He had never heard of such a thing before.
“What do you mean?”
“Not everyone living in the Merchants’ Citadel was born there,” Tak explained. “I was not. But I came to live there and now I call the place my home. And the people there do not call me an outsider, because I am a merchant and, therefore, one of their own. The Merchants’ Citadel is a strange place, you see. There is nothing like it anywhere in the world. Not even the City of White Marble, if I may be so bold as to say that. True, the City of White Marble has wonders of its own. But the Merchants’ Citadel has something completely unexpected. Anyone can live in the Merchants’ Citadel. Traders settle there, mostly, but there are always convoy guards - I think you would do well as one - as well as a few carpenters, seamstresses and the like. We sell our own goods as well as those we get from others. It is a community of like-minded people more than anything else. Of course, it is also a country in the true sense of the word. We have our rulers and our laws and our own army. We have our own place in the councils of the Silver League – the allies of the City of White Marble. Our voice is heard and respected.”
Eagle listened in spite of himself. He was intrigued. Despite all the attempts of the Priests and Priestesses, the desert did not have such a harmonious arrangement. For an instant he was tempted to take Tak up on his offer. He would do well there. Not as a trader, maybe, but surely as a convoy guard, he would have the advantages of his senses. And no one needed to know about them. No one had to know he was a Light-tender. If someone did find out, he could always leave.
He thought of what Adar and Rhea would say and how the Sun Gods and Rain Goddesses would be angry with him for fraternizing with those from the World Without. But then he remembered that he no longer mattered to Adar or to Rhea; as for the Desert Gods, they were his gods no longer. They no longer had a say in Eagle’s decisions. In the end, it was not fear of his Gods or of what the desert people would think that made him decide against Tak’s offer. Something was telling him he should not settle down – at least, not yet. Maybe there was a place for him in the vast world. But he was sure it was not the Merchants’ Citadel.
“I am sorry,” he told Tak, and his regret was genuine. “I am afraid I cannot come with you.”
Tak nodded in understanding. He did not look at all surprised by Eagle’s decision.
“Good luck, then, Master Eagle,” he said. “I hope one day you will find the path that is for you.”
Eagle left with the food and the sword. For days he would think of Tak’s invitation. He would often berate himself for not accepting it. It would have made his road easier.
Copyright Simina Lungu 2022
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